Thank you Lord for Loving me like I was your only child!!

Hello everybody.  Well, I'm back, and I'll have to say, that it's going to take some easing back into blogging.  That big and major hold on my life that happened some time ago, is over, and the children and I now sit in Panama City, FL.  We're waiting for Ellery, as he has to continue work in Alaska for another few more weeks. 

Something happened today, concerning my testimony that was amazing for me.  I had a family member contact me after she read my testimony blog, and she shared so many things with me that I really needed to know. 

Here is what transpired in emails back and forth.  The bottom one is where it all began.  What happened is, is that I sent out a Christmas list, of all things, and I happened to include my link to our family blog.  Well on that blog, is the link to this blog.  Obviously, I have no idea who all has read my blog (s) or not.  I have edited where needed for privacy.

Family member's last email today.

Sweetie, you are one amazing Christian! 

I'm having a hard time holding my tears back.  I am so hurt for your childhood.  My mother (your grandmother) died of a massive heart attack at the age of 42 (I was 2).  So Watch your diet, blood pressure, cholesterol and take care of your heart... Its heriditary. 

I want you to know that my sisters and brothers all love you!  I wanted to throw you a family reunion while you were here.  Your Auntie ____ remembered your birthday and told me to wish you well when I talked to you. 


I am so extremely glad that your met Ellery and Jesus!  Your life could have went from bad to worse.  Most people who have gone through what you have end up as prostitutes.  So, ask God how to use your bad experiences to bring Glory to His name.  If it felt so good to connect with me and our similar experiences, you would be a blessing to someone in need.  ~I hope that made sense. 

You can email me anything, anytime, any question that you want.  If I don't know the answer I'll ask my stepma.    Anyway, I hope I gave you a better understanding about "my" side of your family... It's hard to write how special you are to us... They all wanted to save you from Laura.  You are that special kid that everyone loves. 





My reply to 1st email.

Wow Aunty, I never knew that there are some who don't know about my Dad violating me.  I thought it's known that he violated many.  I've heard that he also violated someone in the village.  I may be wrong though.  I just know what I went through.

 

Thank you for sharing with me what you have.  I never knew that you had a mother pass away.  And I don't even know who is your current mom.  I didn't know we have similar backgrounds.  I cried for about 20 minutes after reading this email from you.  Just knowing all that you've shared is encouraging.  I don't mean that I'm encouraged you've gone through what you have, but that it's encouraging that I have someone to share so much with emotionally, and of course, now we share a spiritual bond that is unbreakable by human circumstances!!!  Oh how Great our Father in Heaven is!!

 

I do remember Uncle Richie, vaguely.  I remember he wanted to spend time with me.  I remember Aunty Reka very well.  I was finally told, when I got older, that she wanted to have custody of me.  I was always even more touched by knowing that.  I was so saddened when I got the information of her death.  I was all the way in Virginia.  Oh how I cried.  She was such a great person. 

 

One thing that hurt a lot, was that _____ didn't give me the impression, ever, that I was permitted to spend any time with any of my blood relatives.  She would make me return anything that they gave me.  I remember Uncle ____ tried a couple of times, to give me a dollar or two to spend at the Tyonek Store.  She made me return it.  It was torture, though it was only money, it was something given to me, and that made me thought of and special.  My brother and sisters always recieved special treatment, from the ______ family, that burned my heart so badly.  I longed for attention and care. 

 

I know what you mean about needing to work on forgiveness.  I try to remain forgiving ready.  It's hard sometimes, and I have to practice, putting my thoughts into captivity unto the obedience of Christ.  At the same time, I once heard a preacher preach about forgiveness and make understood, that God never forgives until asked forgiveness.  Though of course, He is perfect without sin and doesn't need to even forgive, but it's just interesting to consider how I am to be about forgiveness.  I don't speak with _____, and to be honest, she is no more my mother to me, than anyone else who had a hand in my upbringing (teachers, religious leaders, other parents...etc., etc.).  She is my mother by a piece of paper.  But honestly, my mom here (my spiritual mom), seems more 'Mom' to me than anyone else has ever been.  And she's been such for the last 12 years.  Which is almost as long as I was under the roof of _____.  I moved out of her house at around age 16.  

 

Anyways.  My point is, is that I forgive her as I believe I ought to.  I don't hold anything against her.  I just don't want her, what I call, venom, continually seeping into my life.  As I would've headed into in my blog testimony, she was mentally abusive all the way until 5 years ago.  I finally decided to inform her that I could not handle it anymore and that our relationship needed to change.  I asked her to come half way with me in communication about it, and she never has.  So I leave the ball in her court. I'm focused on being a wife, and a mommy :D  I know you understand that.  I've always been so appreciative of your support for us.  

 

I forgot to say, that yes, we're in Florida right now and have partially moved.  Me and the children are here, Ellery is still working in Alaska.  He really believed that the work up there is what we needed for right now.  He plans to rejoin us in about a month.  He is considering trucking down our things, but I just don't think he'll have that money by then.  The other thing to do, is that he wants to return to Alaska for summer work season this coming summer.  He says our finances really need another summer season of work from Alaska, before we made the final cut from AK.  And after that work, we can all drive the rest of our belongings back down here.  I understand, and am just focused on the children's schooling and making home here for us. 

 

Oh Aunty how you've made me feel so loved.  I am truly going to miss that we were so close, physically, to you.  Funny, that just knowing someone is within a drive, gives a sense of security.  You are one of the only I hear 'Baby Elsie' from anymore :)  I guess it was when I was 'Baby Elsie', and from whom called me that, that I felt most loved and doted (spelling???) on. 

 

But oh how good God is, to save me and give me a husband who loveth and careth for me, and amazing children to share the love of Jesus with.  I do feel bad for _____.  I've tried to win her to Jesus.  She needs prayer.  And both Ellery and I tried winning my Dad _____ (who violated me and others) to Jesus too.  He needs prayer too. 

 

Well Aunty, I need to go now.  I've made Blueberry Shortcake and Peach cobbler as supper for the children and I, and they're waiting for me to whip up some cream for them :)  I will share your love for them with them.  Thank you for your love.  I do love you!! 

 

Affectionately and Lovingly,

Baby Elsie
 

"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."      2 Corinthians 5:17

1st email today from family member.

 

Baby, I read your blog.  I had no idea it was so bad!  I thought your dad went to jail because he violated ______.  I had tears in my eyes when you talked about your mom...  and your grandma.  I was way to young to be able to tell you anything, I have been told that your mom (and mine) were very loving, wonderful women.  They rest of everything I have to speculate on.  I never grew up around you, but I always felt like there was such a connection to you because we both lost our mom's and our step moms didn't really like us.  ~well, I don't really know that about your's... I do know I was like in the 1st or second grade (81-83ish) that ______ (your uncle) had gotten out of jail and I saw him at a basketball game in tyonek... He hugged me and just held me and told me that he loved me and if my parents were mean to me like your's were to you, he would get married and take me away... He knew and OH he loved us... It just breaks my heart that he went away and didn't stick around to meet my kids...  My ma tells me that he had very demonic things bothering him...  I also know that when your dad went to jail that I heard my parents talking about your Auntie Reka trying to get custody of you... I don't know if that would have been a better life, but she did love you.  It just breaks my heart that she is gone too... I need to pull it together, I'm almost in full blown tears here at work.

I never knew... and I am so greatful that you found your peace with Jesus.  You could not have found a better life here on earth and you have 6 beautiful, wonderful babies to make up for it.  I am very proud of you and your strength and your faith in Jesus. 

I was very young and I knew that ____ was mean to you.  As an adult that is the first thing that I think of when I see her.  You see as a Christian, I have to work on forgiveness.  I'm not very good at it.  I have to go, I'm at work... I love you.

Did you move to Florida?  Hug those babies for me and tell them that auntie loves them and misses them.